Facilitator, London, U.K.

I'm Cathie Shipton, still on the right side of 40 and living with my partner of 10 years and father of our 3 children.  I am a research scientist currently working part-time in the agricultural industry.
 
We lost our first child in March 2000 at around 11 wks of pregnancy to a miscarriage.  We did not know that the baby was gone until we went for the 12 wk scan.  We were both devastated by the news that there was no baby inside me any longer.  In November 2000 we were delighted to find that we were expecting again but had a terribly anxious time over the holiday period with lots of bleeding and the doctors not being able to tell us whether we were miscarrying again or not.  Happily, the pregnancy proceeded with all being well and the baby (which we found out was a boy at 20 wks) grew larger and larger.   Around my due date, we were told that our boy was a very large baby (also he was in the back to my back position) and as I am slight, we worried about me having him naturally, but our concerns were brushed aside by our obstetrician.  So finally my waters broke and we waited to see our son.  No labour started naturally and so I was induced 48h after my waters broke.  A whole day in labour was followed by so much constant pain and the knowledge that there was no way that I was going to be able to give birth naturally as I had wanted to.  So finally, in the middle of the night we went into theatre for an emergency section.  When the obs cut into me, he found the placenta right under the incision and had to cut through it. 
 
We now know that our son started to lose blood at this point as the obs unavoidably cut a major blood vessel connecting the placenta to the umbilical cord.  As our boy was large, it took some minutes to get him out of me and all this time he was losing blood.  After he was born, we had two and a half hours when we thought all was OK (although I was pretty sick and don't remember this time at all), but our son was blue and not warming up well.  We were told it was nothing serious and the paediatrician who saw him didn't ask and wasn't told of the placenta cut during delivery.  Then our boy collapsed and was rushed off to be resuscitated, then on to NICU.  We were stunned, but told that he was large and would be OK.  He wasn't.  We called him Ivan as we signed the consent forms for surgery to try to stop his internal bleeding for we wanted him to be strong and terrible.  He lived four heartwrenching days - I never expected him to die, even when the prognosis was getting grimmer and grimmer.  On his fourth night, we were told that he was dying and we chose to turn off all the equipment and hold him as he died.  He was so beautiful and I miss him with all my heart.  I have learnt subsequently of all the things I could have done for him after death, but didn't and wasn't offered the opportunity to do.  I will regret that until I die too.  We fought with the hospital to get them to admit fault and to put procedures in place to prevent this breakdown in communications between the obs and paed teams which resulted in the hours of delay in Ivan's condition being accurately diagnosed and treated.  We were successful and hope that our actions have resulted in other families not having to suffer as we have.
 
In my grief, I searched the Web in vain for somewhere I could share how I was feeling with other parents in the UK.  I found nothing and nobody here.  But did come across MISS and finally felt I'd come home (despite you guys being mostly an ocean away).  MISS helped me stay sane through the first months of grief and then through my sub-pregnancy.
 
My parter and I now have a wonderful daughter, Maisy, who was born two days shy of the first anniversary of Ivan's birth.  She is thriving and we are delighted to have one of our children live with us.  There will still always be a part of our family missing. 
 
In Ivan's memory, I am now trying to establish a MISS group in the UK for others, like me, who need something which doesn't appear to exist in the UK currently.  Wish me luck?!
 
Thanks for listening - I am so glad to be able to get to know you all!