A mother whose newborn didn't make it pledges to help others cope with loss.

By Denny Boyles / The Bee
(Updated Friday, September 2, 2005, 9:16 AM)


Losing a child is the worst nightmare any parent can imagine. Knowing ahead of time that your child will die makes a devastating situation even worse.

Vicki Torrez of Hanford experienced that pain when a pre-birth diagnosis showed that her unborn daughter would die of a brain abnormality within a few hours of birth.

Armed with that knowledge, Torrez said she and her husband, Robert, prepared to make the most of their time with Katelyn, to build memories that wouldoutlast the grief. They were helped along the way by compassionate nursingstaff at Central Valley General Hospital in Hanford, including Dana Duvall,who experienced the loss of a child at birth.

"It's difficult for the entire family to be put in that position, but the compassion they extended to us was just incredible," Torrez said. "Dana knew not to try to fix it, not to say the words people always say to try and make it better. Instead, she just helped us grieve."

Two years later, Torrez is joining many of those same nurses to help other parents experiencing the death of an infant, as part of the Mothers in Sympathy and Support, or MISS, group recently formed in Hanford. MISS, which has chapters nationwide, provides support for families that have lost a baby during pregnancy or shortly after birth. The group's first meeting was held Thursday at the First Missionary Baptist Church in Armona.

Kristen Johnson, director of Women's Services at CVGH, said the group will be open to anyone.

"This program allows people going through grief of losing their child to interact with other people who have shared the same pain," Johnson said. "Only someone who has lived through losing a child can really relate, really understand what goes through your mind as you deal with it."

Though one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, Johnson said, there was not an active support group in Kings County to help.

"The goal of this group is to give the community the resources to work through their loss, and to help any way we can," Johnson said.

One resource will be Torrez, who said she will attend meetings as often as possible. "I've met with three moms since Katelyn died, and it's comforting to me as well as them to be able to talk about it," she said.

Sometimes, Torrez said, talking to others helps just because it feels good to hear the name of a child who died. "It can be awkward for people to ask about it, but it is so wonderful for me to hear Katelyn's name," she said. "I just want to honor her, along with my child that is still with me."

The reporter can be reached at dboyles@fresnobee.com or (559) 622-2411.